Hail to the Washington Football Team

The Redskins’ placeholder title completely encapsulates the trendy progressive motion.

The one factor I remorse about ditching our TV isn’t having the ability to watch soccer. Here in New England, it’s straightforward to bluff your method by means of sports activities speak. Just saying one thing like, “We owe Belichick more than one season with a new quahtahback before we kick him to the curb.” But it’s been greater than a yr since I’ve really seen a recreation. I miss it. And I’m utterly out of the loop.

So once I began seeing references to the “Washington Football Team” I assumed it was a politically appropriate euphemism, like when newspapers refer to an Arab terrorist as a “Swedish man” in their headlines. I figured the sports activities reporters simply couldn’t convey themselves to kind the phrase Redskins. But no. The Washington, D.C., soccer group is definitely known as “Washington Football Team.” They dropped the Redskins moniker in 2020 throughout the George Floyd protests and can formally undertake a brand new title in 2022. 

I’m positive most of you knew this, nevertheless it’s information to me. A reckless Minnesota cop killed a drug addict whereas making an attempt to restrain him; subsequently, Washington, D.C.’s soccer group has to change its title with out selecting a substitute first.

I didn’t actually imagine it till I went on the “Washington Football Team” professional store. There, one should buy $120 jerseys with Terry McLaurin’s title on them. It’s the similar Redskins colour scheme, however as a substitute of a group title, it simply says Washington. For the particular girl in your life, you may even get a $280 purse emblazoned with the “Washington Football Team” brand: the letter W in a classy sans serif.

Now, native Redskins followers overwhelmingly oppose the change. Many surveys present that solely about 10 p.c of Native Americans discover the title offensive. Bear in thoughts that, nowadays, you may all the time discover 10 p.c of any group to discover something offensive. (“Creamed corn?” Senator Warren cried. “You mean maize that flows like muddy river.”)

Let me ask you one thing. Do you of us notice how fortunate we’re to be dwelling in occasions reminiscent of these? If Swift, Twain, and Bierce all put their heads collectively, they couldn’t think about a world as ridiculous as this one. Modernity is only one big sendup of itself. We’re all starring in a spoof of our personal lives.

With that in thoughts, I’d like to make this suggestion to our pals on the left. For six years now, the crimson MAGA hat has served as the de facto uniform of the Republican base. Democrats don’t have anything prefer it—no image that makes them stand out in the crowd. Well, I recommend that progressives undertake the yellow snapback of the “Washington Football Team.” (It’s a steal at simply $40.) 

Think about it. No different image might so completely encapsulate the trendy progressive motion:

1. The Redskins had been canceled for being offensive…although no one was really offended. That’s the fantastic thing about newspeak. You can describe a deliberate automobile crash as if no one was driving. You can refer to a protest as an “insurrection” although no one was making an attempt to overthrow the authorities. Words imply no matter you need them to imply.
2. The group’s administration was so determined to please the New York Times editorial board—huge sports activities followers, each final one in all them—that they didn’t even wait to decide a brand new title or design a brand new brand. They simply slapped on this silly, ugly placeholder. And that’s what trendy tradition is: a silly, ugly placeholder. We don’t create something true or good or lovely. We don’t make issues of any lasting price. We simply sponge off our ancestors’ cultural capital till we go broke. We toy with the relics of our lifeless civilization till we break them, like kids enjoying catch with a Fabergé egg. “Washington Football Team” is to sports activities what “Fabulous Godmother” is to literature.
3. As with all the progressives’ experiments in social engineering, no one really needs it. Nobody’s even positive the place it got here from. Who was the first to determine that the title Redskins was “offensive,” on condition that no one was really offended by it? Who’s the chief of this motion—the Susan B. Anthony, the Mahatma Gandhi, the Martin Luther King? Who has devoted their life to righting this grave injustice? Well, that’s not how at present’s progressives work. New P.C. orthodoxies seep out of Ivy League lecture rooms, they congeal in California H.R. departments and New York fundraisers, after which they’re disseminated by organs of the regime like the Atlantic and CNN. It’s much less of a motion than a leaky septic tank. And that’s how we obtained the Washington Football Team.
4. Most importantly: it’s a cash maker. Redskins followers could resent the name-change. They could spend the subsequent ten years griping about how the P.C. Police stole their group. But when the Washington Football Team will get a brand new quarterback, are they going to deprive themselves of a new jersey ($150)? When they get a brand new cellphone, are they going to forego a new case ($60)? When their brother Jeff will get sloshed at the 4th of July cookout and breaks their outdated Redskins cornhole set, will they have the opportunity to resist shelling out for a few new boards ($200)? Of course not. We’re Americans. We reside for this low cost, mass-produced, brand-name rubbish. And a lot as progressives like to bash the free market, they understand how to make it work for then. The Washington Football Team is a textbook instance of woke capitalism at work. 

So go forward and get your WFT hats at present, kiddos. Get us $25.99 nearer to our courageous, new world. Yes, it’s soulless, gutless, cold, and completely nugatory. But it’s not offensive! And, actually, what extra are you able to ask for?

Michael Warren Davis is creator of The Reactionary Mind. Subscribe to his e-newsletter, “The Common Man”.